Friday, June 03, 2005

And I'm the Pedantic Protestantte

Another sign of the apocalypse! The text is given below.

New Bible Shows Christ as a Woman, God as Female
Tuesday May 31, 5:20 am ET
Publication in Response to Empowerment of Women in Society

WASHINGTON, May 31 /PRNewswire/ -- A new edition of the Gospels of the Bible for the first time shows Christ as a woman, named Judith Christ of Nazareth, and God as female. In all other respects, the classic texts of the Gospels remain unchanged.
The publisher, LBI Institute, has released this new Bible entitled: "Judith Christ of Nazareth, The Gospels of the Bible, Corrected to Reflect that Christ Was a Woman, Extracted from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John." The book is available in bookstores and online.

"This long-awaited revised text of the Gospels makes the moral message of Christ more accessible to many, and more illuminating to all," says Billie Shakespeare, V.P. for the publisher. "It is empowering. We published this new Bible to acknowledge the rise of women in society."

This new Bible includes: The Parable of the Prodigal Daughter, The Lady's Prayer, and other revised favorite passages, such as:

* Her birth -- Luke 2:4 And Joseph went to Bethlehem. 5 To be enrolled
with Mary, his wife, who was then pregnant. 7 And she brought forth
her firstborn child. 21 And her name was chosen to be Judith.

* Her crucifixion -- John 19:17 And She bearing her cross went forth. 18
There they crucified Judith.

* Her resurrection -- Matthew 28:1 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary
came to see the tomb. 5 But the angel said to the women, "Do not be
afraid, for I know that you seek Judith who was crucified." 6 "She is
not here; for She is risen."

"Judith Christ of Nazareth, The Gospels of the Bible, Corrected to Reflect that Christ Was a Woman, Extracted from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John," $19.95, LBI Institute, available online and at bookstores, ISBN 0966143728 [paperback], ISBN 0966143736 [hardbound]. Click



This is the state to which feminism and progressivism have come. People are not to be "empowered" or "illuminated" by the actual text, but by a textual fiction that has no correspondence in reality. What does this say about the potential reader or readers, if they need an altered text with altered characters to achieve whatever empowerment and illumination is to be had.

Another point is just why, if one is going to alter the text to make it fit one's progressive mentalities, why choose something like the gospels? Why not just make something up instead? After all, allegiance to truth is apparently nothing worth pursuing by the people above, so why not just go full bore and create something that will be truly illuminating and empowering? Since the gospels contain such unempowering doctrines such as the impossibility of man [whoops: Womankind] to meet God's standard of righteousness, the obstinacy of man [whoops: The Sisterhood], and a whole bunch of other things that are offensive relative to our sophisticated and superstition-free age, why keep these in there?

So to the sensitive feminists and progressive wannabes: You go, girl!

[PP Coffee Mug to Steve Hays for alerting me about this!]


Blogger centuri0n said...

It theems that you mithatke a thpeech impediment for a therious thatement of theology.

I wonder when they are going to thtart taking the thacramentth from Judith's Preithtth.

Friday, June 03, 2005 3:42:00 PM  
Anonymous 1689 said...

This idea savoureth of total, complete and entire barking lunacy. Is the 'author' currently residing in a loony bin under the delusion that she is a poached egg?

Friday, June 03, 2005 3:42:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

1689 --- poached egg, progressive....what's the big difference? My answer for now is that a poached egg is more tolerable than a progressive!


Friday, June 03, 2005 7:06:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Oh and Frank --- it took me a minute to get your joke, but I got it and it is funny. I'm very slow today....


Friday, June 03, 2005 7:07:00 PM  
Anonymous crewbear said...

OK Pedantic Protestant...

After many hours of intense research, I think I have uncovered your identity. You are the author of that new syndicated comic strip about life in a Math Dept, aren't you. I think it's called 'Hilbert?"


Saturday, June 04, 2005 8:00:00 AM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Hmmmm Crewbear...methinks your presuppositions are incorrect.

Are you the same poster by the same name at Dr Svendsen's NTRMin board?

Saturday, June 04, 2005 4:06:00 PM  
Anonymous crewbear said...


What!? You didn't recognize me from the quality of that witicism? 'Hilbert' was brilliant - perhaps beyond brilliant. It was truly inspired.

Just a few more to confirm its me:

1) Why can't third derivatives get dates? Because they are Jerks!

2) Famous pick-up lines used by Trig functions: "Hey, baby. What's your sine?"

3) The math National Anthem: "Oh Secant you say..."

4) Didya hear about the Greek Exegete who became an comedian and brought down the HEOS?

5) Didya hear that Santa married a Greek woman and now her name is HINA CLAUS?

6) Didya hear that archeologists have recently discovered a new manuscript of the NT - the so-called "Chocolate" manuscript? It's called the Nestle's Almond 27. Exegetes are devouring it.

Now do you recognize me? ;)


Sunday, June 05, 2005 9:34:00 AM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Yes, the "Hilbert" line was utterly brilliant. An internet search yielded the great mathematician David Hilbert.

As for your jokes, I do remember throwing rotten fruit and used coffee filters at a comedian once --- I think it was you. =D Seriuosly, you're the engineer guy, right?

You realize that if you expose my "secret identity," you'll be doing something on par with telling young children that Santa Claus isn't real, or, even worse, that pro wrestling is fake!


Sunday, June 05, 2005 2:02:00 PM  
Blogger centuri0n said...

Pro wrestling is not fake.

Let me put it this way: all of time and space is not fake just becuase God has determined the outcome already. So just becuas ethe outcome of any particular WWE match is scripted and the outcome is predetermined by the foreknowledge and plan of somebody at the WWE world headquarters -- that doesn't make it fake.

If WWE wrestling was really 3-D animation like Shrek or the Incredibles, then it would be fake.

Thursday, June 09, 2005 8:08:00 AM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Frank --- I learned that the WWF [WWE] was fake when Hulk Hogan got the tar beaten out of him by the Iron Sheikh, and on top of that escaped from the dreaded "Camel Clutch." Either wrestling was fake or Hogan is not a mere mortal.


Thursday, June 09, 2005 10:38:00 PM  

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