Friday, July 01, 2005

Boredom Eliminated

A post or two ago, the remark was made that the few days remaining until the Big Move West were rather dull, suffering from an acute case of the "blahs."

Actually, right after writing that post, things perked up. Highlights and lowlights of the last week in the Midwestern/Eastern part of the country:

(1) Seven sessions of full-court basketball, each session being about two hours each. The entire gamut of competition was experienced: being on teams that blew out other teams, getting blown out in turn, being able to contribute, costing the team a game, etc. The "washed up" factor really was prevalent when some high school seniors who play for one of the super-sectional high school teams just destroyed we paleolithic cagers. What keeps me going is the fact that in twenty years those young hotshots will, like we oldies are now, be a bunch of has-been hacks.

(2) For "purely educational purposes" I decided to partake of the nascent Chinese Buffet around the corner. Not that I enjoyed it or anything, but the Mongolian BBQ portion of the restaurant was exquisite, and the roast duck was divine. Due to the "purely educational purposes," I went through an appreciable number of plates of goodies. After all, if you were running up and down a court for four hours that day, you'd be hungry too!

(3) Amusement was maximized when, during my second trip to the buffet portion of the restaurant, I fell to my knees and screamed The General Tso's Chicken is people!!! Charlton Heston would be proud.

(4) The XBOX was pulled out, and a 36-race NASCAR season began. Having won 9 of 12 races so far, and taking particular pleasure in nudging the virtual Jeff Gordon into the wall, this certainly adds to the feeling of accomplishment for the week.

(5) Cheapskate: everybody wants to take me to dinner/pizza/food to send me off. If, perhaps, I could perfect the con game of always talking about my moving date, I could in theory go the rest of my life without ever having to buy my own food.

(6) I watched the NBA draft with my "posse." Somehow, my agent was wrong when he said that there was a huge need for slow 6' white guys who can only shoot from between 18 and 23 feet and have the lateral quickness of a continental plate. Surprisingly, for the 15th straight year, the PP went undrafted. Maybe the 2006 NBA draft will be more kind.

(7) Ever notice that poker seems to be on many channels now? It is rather interesting to watch.

(8) For serious computer applications, my Wood Elf ranger achieved level 40 and now has 3,000,000 gold. Unfortunately, gender confusion is arising since Wood Elves have to be female in this game....what if those gender-as-social-construct theorists are correct? Will I, upon running into one of life's snags, rectify things by eating chocolate, having a good cry, writing it in my diary, and watching the Lifetime Channel?

(9) I out-exegeted Dr Svendsen in an independently chosen sample of NT texts. He conceded final and utter defeat to me [which I graciously accepted of course] when he could not interpret let alone translate John 11:35. For those who want to ask whether Dr S wept openly upon being bested, I must keep my promise to him and say "I don't recall."

So, the last few days have been pretty enjoyable.

Note: two of the enumerated points above are blatant deceptions.

4 Comments:

Blogger H. C. said...

well obviously #6 is one of the deceptions...look forward to seeing you on the bench with Shaq next year!

Friday, July 01, 2005 3:12:00 PM  
Blogger centuri0n said...

Anyone can out-exegete NTRMin. In his day, he had game, but he has spent so much time interacting with amateur fanaticists he has a hard time distinguishing between passives and deponents these days. In your terms, he has the lateral quickness of a continental plate.

Now when you can out-exegete Dr. Paul Owen or Malcolm Lavender, then young padwan a Jedi master you will be. I can also loan you the objective exegesis machine, but lately it has been overheating when I have tried using it on U2 lyrics.

For the record, fat old guys over the age of 30 can burn about 15 calories a minute in peak exertion, and three helpings from the Chinese buffet equals about 2400 calories -- if you drank soda and not tea. Fast math: you have to play 160 minutes or almost 3 hours of full-contact gym ball to run off that Soylent Green.

I hope you're wearing elastic pants, bub.

Friday, July 01, 2005 8:20:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Frank:

As for your caloric calculations you overlook the energy required to come up with stale punchlines and flat repartees. This keeps me at the break-even point. And the calories burnt maintaining and stoking a systematic disinformation campaign as regards to my "true identity" pushes me into the zone where yes, the long-hidden-in-the-back-of-the-drawer leopard print "Speedos" might be an option in a month or so.

As for the objective exegesis machine, that is passe. Thanks to some illegal file-sharing courtesy of Dr Svendsen's covert Napster(c) and file-sharing ring [how do you think he funds NTRMin?], I installed the PURE PROPOSITIONAL AND BIBLICAL SLAVE-TO-THE-ENLIGHTENMENT EXEGESIS PROGRAM v.1.0.1 that directly beams abstract propositions [derived from the Biblical texts] directly into my brain. It has three settings: (a) RADICAL SECTARIAN GNOSTIC, (b) BENIGHTED IMBIBER OF THE MODERNIST PARADIGM, and (c) ASSUMPTION-FREE SELF-EVIDENT TRUTH. It works nicely for dealing with Romanists and those outside my narrow SEPARATIONIST Evangelical clique of DOCTRINEHEADS.

As for Dr. Owen, I probably don't have enough footnotes in my dissertation, book, nor modest collection of papers to merit his eye.

To H.C.: Nope, #6 is true. Still undrafted! But a rigorous program of jaw-muscle conditioning has kept me ready for the inevitable day when the per diem NBA meal money becomes a reality. The other parts of the body are not so well-conditioned.

Friday, July 01, 2005 9:08:00 PM  
Blogger Rhology said...

Oh man! It's down-time at work and I'm cracking up over quips about wordplay and exegesis!

Am I a nerd or what?

That's some funny stuff.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005 7:24:00 AM  

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