Friday, July 15, 2005

I Do Hatchet Jobs For A Small Fee

Somebody has apparently forgotten about (c) 2005 by Pedantic Protestant that is hidden in the fine print of every post.

The dastardly Red Romanist has stolen my alliterative description of him [reminscent of 60's Batman dialogue], and nary a farthing has dropped into the PP coffers as a result. This represents outright theft, and exposes RR for the scoundrel and scalawag that he is.

With his image irreparably defenestrated, we may as well go all the way and expose him for the morally mountebanking cad that he truly is:

(1) He once took twelve items through a 10-items-or-less express lane. This shows a contempt for society and manners.

(2) He loaned a friend a videotape copy of a baseball game, despite NOT having the permission and/or express written consent of the Commissioner of Major League Baseball? So much for private property!

(3) He has, according to rumor, driven 67mph on a highway with a 65mph speed limit. Lawbreaking anarchist!

(4) He has crossed the street while the "Don't Walk" sign is flashing. Oh, the arrogance and maverickism of the man who thinks he's entitled to flaunt his individuality over others!

(5) He has threatened in crayon-written letters to "out" me on the EWTN channel. Backstabbing betrayer!

(6) He lives in Southern California. He doubtless talks to his plastic surgeon and tanning consultant more than his priest! O vain, vapid narcissist!

And this is but the tip of the iceberg! Imagine the depravities that we cannot see!

Yes, remember these serious-as-blasphemy sins when he lectures you on Nestorianism, Crypto-Nestorianism, Pseudo-Nestorianism, Crypto-Pseudo-Nestorianism, Crypto-Apollinario-Pseudo-Nestorianism, and Cyrillean-Pseudo-Post-Aristotelian-Pre-Semi-Mono-Nestorianism! Do you really want to take seriously the philsophical fulminations of somebody whose character has been so truly impugned above?


Blogger CrimsonCatholic said...

I gave you an Angels cap tip for that one, you ungrateful Philistine! See if I ever buy another dozen of your PP coffee mugs with "Postmodern Coffee: It Might Be Hot, Or It Might Not" on them!

I'll grant you that I am unhealthily obsessed with this Nestorianism thing, but it kinda upends your equilibrium when you stumble on apologists for heresiarchs. It'd be like you walking into something labelled "Fourth Street Baptist Church" only to realize that it's a Mormon temple or a Kingdom Hall. You think, "OK, it's cool. We've all got our differences here, but I can live with that," and then you read something about Christ having human personhood, and it's like "WHOA! Back up! Beep-beep-beep!" It's freaking me out, d00d!

Friday, July 15, 2005 3:22:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin D. Johnson said...

You have mugs that say "Postmodern Coffee: It Might Be Hot, Or It Might Not"? Man, I need some of those...

Saturday, July 16, 2005 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin D. Johnson said...

IOW, where do I get them?

Saturday, July 16, 2005 12:22:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Only the most pedantic of Protestants may sip coffee from a legendary PP coffee mug. All other mere mortals dwell in the outer darkness where there is the weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Seriously, do you think they'd sell? And will Jonathan let me steal this quip of his? If the answers are both in the affirmative, we may have the Pet Rock of the 21st century!

Saturday, July 16, 2005 2:24:00 PM  
Blogger Rhology said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Monday, July 18, 2005 1:57:00 AM  
Blogger Rhology said...

I myself am a Cyrillean-Pseudo-Post-Aristotelian-Pre-
Semi-Mono-Pedantic Protestant (or something like that), so I don't know if I qualify.

(Previous post removed b/c of irrecoverable typo.)

Monday, July 18, 2005 1:59:00 AM  
Blogger CrimsonCatholic said...

If it will earn your forgiveness for having appropriated my tagline against your wishes, I will gladly license you to use my witticism royalty-free whereever and whenever you like. I'm not guaranteeing anything about the value, though! :-)

Monday, July 18, 2005 5:38:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

I think letting the pomo coffee mug idea run its course through the Swiss coffers of PP Inc seems to be sufficient supererogatorial satisfaction. Thus, I cede the title "Barrister of Braggadocio...." to you to use as you please.

The only thing I'd change would be converting a disjunction to a conjunction: instead of "It might be hot, or it might not" it would be better to say "It is hot and not hot." And, if somebody points out the formal contradiction, you can accuse them of latent logocentrism!

Monday, July 18, 2005 7:13:00 PM  

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