Thursday, August 11, 2005

Ladies' Night at PP

The PP survey team, which is part of the PP Marketing Arm of the entire PP financial wing of the PP conglomerate, has, in a series of memoranda, told me of the dearth of female readers. Lydia and Diane and Elizabeth may be quality Pedantic Protestanttes who read the blog, but the memoranda all state INCREASE THE FEMALE DEMOGRAPHIC! despite the quality babe base.

Perhaps we need to start making this place a bit more lady-friendly. Perhaps a little sex appeal and sizzle will help this PP blog, demographically speaking, "get its groove back."

The question is how to proceed. I have spent many late nights in the office pondering this question. But, the answer was before me the entire time. What better way to increase the female demographic by dangling some eye candy out there....after all, women are visual creatures too!

It works in advertising. Attractive women are photographed with cars, for example and this apparently helps sell the car to men. Likewise, beer commercials, instead of hawking the suds, promote pomo collages of imagery featuring hot trendy chicks at some hot par-TAY! Don't think that this doesn't make the dudes drop the dough for the draught!

Ladies and Gentlemen, but mostly the ladies [well, hopefully ALL ladies and NO gentlemen...] I now present my #1 piece of eye candy....

Click Here For Eye Candy

That's right, ladies, meet Frank Turk, the new "PP Hunk" for calendar year 2005!! He owns a bookstore too and drives the fully functional Centuri0n Van, so it was a very easy choice.

And if a shotgun-brandishing Frank comes up to you and asks where I am, um, tell him that I, uh, took a long one-way drive to an undisclosed bunker location to hide for a few months.


Blogger steve said...

The hunk of the month, eh? Does this make him the Carmen of the God-blogs?

Thursday, August 11, 2005 6:56:00 PM  
Blogger steve said...

Maybe we need to begin an annual contest. Ann Coulter could MC.

Thursday, August 11, 2005 6:58:00 PM  
Blogger steve said...

Laura Ingram and Michelle Malkin can be the judges!

Thursday, August 11, 2005 9:40:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Frank and Fabio were separated at birth. Fabio clearly go the short end of the looks stick.

To tell you the truth, Steve, I don't have any great love or respect for Coulter, Ingraham, and Malkin. I'm not against them, but they don't float the PP boat either. To tell you the truth, Coulter is too skinny and abrasive. Now I like a woman who sasses back and doesn't mind verbal sparring, but Coulter is a little too full of herself.

You can have at 'em if they're still single and in the market for Reformed bloggers. If the five of us all go out, I'll try not to be that fifth wheel.

I notice that Brother Centuri0n has resisted, so far, the urge to comment. He has also resisted the urge to, say, snap various critical joints of mine slowly. So, he's offering me a "one-for-two" here and I'll take it.

I have enough food and water in my bunker to outlast his wrath, hopefully!

Friday, August 12, 2005 1:00:00 AM  
Blogger steve said...

Yes, it's odd how many woman will starve themselves to death to be attractive to men without every bothering to ask a man what he finds attractive in a woman. Men don't like scrawny women. Men like curves, not straight lines.

Men are angular and women are curvy. At least, that's the ideal.

A scrawy woman looks too much like an adolescent boy--all thin and bony and male, not female.

It's funny how the two sexes fret over their appearance without consulting the opposite sex on what the opposite sex finds appealing.

The only mirror that counts are the eyes of the opposite sex.

Friday, August 12, 2005 8:18:00 AM  
Blogger steve said...

Another problem Coulter has is that most pretty women are natural sopranos, which makes for a lousy speaking voice--especially when they try to project it in a screamfest debate. She shoves her naturally high pitched voice way down into the basement to sound like Barbara Jordan. Well, it's better than the nasal twang of Ariana Huffington, with her dentist drill of a voice!

Friday, August 12, 2005 9:14:00 AM  
Blogger steve said...

Silver age comics? So is the analogy with Batman, Spiderman, Superman, Wolverine, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Friday, August 12, 2005 11:16:00 AM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Politics aside, I always found Arianna to be a handsome woman.

But, with her voice and her hectoring cause-of-the-week mentality, I'd soon be looking in the "looking for work" ads in the back of Solider of Fortune magazine, if you know what I mean.

I'd generally agree with your assessment of thin. When I used to ballroom frequently, I always found the skinny ones to be hard partners with whom to dance. I always felt that I'd break them.

I like a little bit of substance, myself.

I think Frank is hiding in the bushes, with camo paint on his face.....what's that glowing red dot doing on me!?!?!?!

Friday, August 12, 2005 1:15:00 PM  
Blogger centuri0n said...

Listen: I've had a busy week at work, and I finally got my blog to render correctly, AND I had to start the Mega Shift smackdown, AND I have a new sidekick to break in, AND I had to add "anathemacious" to Wikipedia, so I didn't have time to check out the reformed frat house to see what you two sophomores-a-second-time pranksters were up to over here.

You guys need to get married. That'd put an end to your snark. As for the rest of the meta regarding female conservatives and the disreputable Arrianna Huffington, you can tell a lot about a guy by the women he's attracted to. Steve comes up with the A-list of conservative babes, and it turns out that PP likes a lefty opportunistic shrew.

Me? I'm attracted to my wife. But if my silver-age superhero avatar gets PP an e-mail or two from some lonely girl who reads blogs on Friday nights rather than, well, have friends, I say he gets what he deserves.

And to try to pick up all the loose ends, "silver age comics" begin with the FF and Spidey, and end with the 70's Green Arrow/Green Lantern. After that there's a dark age when nothing matters, and then a great degeneration of the artform happens when Byrne and Clairmont change the X-Men from teen-aged outcasts to parables of anti-racism and hyperfeminism; the Dark Ages of comics begin with "The Watchmen" and end when Rob Leifeld tries to re-write the Marvel universe from scratch in "Heroes Reborn". Thank Heavens there were guys like Alex Ross and Mark Wade around to pick up the pieces and begin a new reformation ...

I can't believe you guys don't know this stuff. What are you reading? Barth? Rahner?

Friday, August 12, 2005 8:03:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Steve --- we finally lured Big Boy back to the dinner table here.

As for the need to get married, I can't speak for Steve, but I'm a bachelor and a bachelor-to-stay. Too many quirks. Too selfish. Too fussy and particular. I want a woman who fights, but then I wouldn't like being on the losing end of a verbal repartee either!
Nope, I'm not in my twenties, and, now that I'm in my early thirties [Lord how depressing it is to say that] I think the better days are far behind me.

To reassure El Franko Guapo that I'm not into shrewish lefty chix, try
Now that's a free market babe. But I'd have to end the romance if she starts claiming infallibility and an unbroken line of succession back to the apostles!

Frank, you hurt me with your comments about lonely Friday night bloggers. The truth of the matter is twofold: I'm around a lot of young pretty women [college prof, remember?] both at school and the tennis club, but I'm too old for the former and not rich enough for the latter! I think I'm going to post on your countersnark, put you in my anti-anti-Catholic page, write out my feelings in my Precious Moments Diary, and have a good multihankie cry.

In closing, please pull the banana out of the Centuri0n van tailpipe. Steve put it there.

Friday, August 12, 2005 11:52:00 PM  
Blogger centuri0n said...

PP --

You almost had me feeling sorry for you until you said that college girls are too young for you. Now I know you're just trolling for sympathy.

Saturday, August 13, 2005 4:06:00 PM  

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