Friday, September 02, 2005

Cat'lic Magisterium Assembles

Tabby Thomas Aquinas [aka Thom] greets St Augustine [aka Gussie aka Gus] with a holy kiss.

After pleasantries, Thom and Gus, presumably under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, hammer out dogma on ranch-flavored Doritos. Is the ranch flavoring an accident of a Dorito chip or part of its essence? Are we to view the corn and the flavoring as different modes of a Dorito chip or are they distinct? What threat is posed by those who prefer nacho-cheese-flavored Doritos or taco-flavored Doritos to ranch-flavored Doritos? Should such flavor-heretics be anathematized? Is the flavor added to the chip or is the chip added to the flavor? How many angels can dance on a corner of a Dorito chip?

These and other questions will be answered in the next few years, and we can be sure that Thom and Gus, being led by the Holy Spirit, will speak infallibly on such an issue. After that, one cannot challenge the Frito-Laysian Synod without grave danger to one's soul. [That means you, you dirty filthy Prots!]

Also, on a more pragmatic note, St Gus ponders the age-old question of what to do with the "fat jeans" after a significant weight loss. As this is constitutes private opinion and not dogma, the decision reached by little Augustine on this issue is not binding on one's conscience.

[For Diane in Chicago.]


Anonymous Diane said...

Poor little Thom and Gus miss their PP and spend most of their time searching for him. Paws are not conducive to Internet searches.

Monday, September 12, 2005 12:25:00 PM  

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