Friday, October 14, 2005

PP 2005 Humanitarian of the Year Award

A fellow-believer friend of mine out here wrote the following in regards of my attempt to play matchmaker:

I'm really not playing the field at the moment, though I suppose that if you could find me an eligible female with the faith of Christina Rossetti, the face and figure of twenty-something Sophia Loren, and the portfolio of Teresa Heinz-Kerry, I just might be persuaded, out of self-sacrificial duty, to relent!

Ah, such a sacrifice indeed for my friend!

For indicating a willingness to sacrifice himself [for the greater good, no doubt] by subjecting himself to the abject pain and suffering from dating a Rossetti-Loren-Heinz-Kerry hybrid [mixed according to the recipe above], I bestow upon my friend the greatly-coveted PP 2005 Humanitarian of the Year Award. While there is no cash bounty for this prize [unlike the Nobel prizes], it is thought that the pure overwhelming prestige of this award is truly priceless.

We can all learn something from my friend about following the Biblical exhortation "to not seek our own good, but the good of others." Surely, while he would derive no pleasure from the Rossetti-Loren-Heinz-Kerry hybrid described above apart from the satisfaction flowing from the fact that his obligation benefits others, the woman would benefit from his self-sacrifice, a self-sacrifice that rivals the Cross itself! :-)

I was going to nominate myself for the PP 2005 HotYA, but the associate v.p. for ethics enforcement [in the PP Marketing Arm] informed me that it might look a bit strange for me to award myself the prize. But, I had an equally strong case, for, I would date --- obviously at great personal, physical, and spiritual peril --- a woman with the loveliness of Barbara Feldon, the faith and artistic predisposition of my friend Elizabeth [she knows who she is!], the piercing mind of somebody who shall go nameless, the devotion of my late spaniel Sara, and the bankroll [but only the bankroll] of a Mrs Heinz-Kerry.

'Tis a great sacrifice indeed, but I'd date her for the greater good. Yes, faith without works is a dead faith, but, with such a woman and with the tragic self-sacrifice that would ensue, I would endure all things for the sake of not only my fellow men, but for God who, in the person of Christ, endured all things for my sake. This would truly be the work that vindicates me as a true believer!


Blogger centuri0n said...

Only a fool would take romantic advice from a confirmed batchelor.

And don't bring up "Hitch". That's a movie.

Friday, October 14, 2005 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Perhaps, Frank, this post was just another excuse to put up a pic of Barb....we have to do such things here at PP to keep up with the exponentiation of graphical toys on your site. It's like an ugly sister trying to keep up with her post-radical-makeover older sister.

Friday, October 14, 2005 12:06:00 PM  
Blogger Vijay Anand said...

that was.... interesting :)

Friday, October 14, 2005 1:11:00 PM  
Blogger steve said...

If I were dear old Dave I'd take personal offense at this post. Of course, I could only take personal offense on pain of self-incrimination. Thankfully, I'm not dear old Dave.

So, in the tradition of the vicarious atonement, I'll take offense on behalf of dear old Dave for the real target of this post who shall, of course, remain nameless lest he take personal offense on pain of self...but you've heard that already.

Friday, October 14, 2005 4:10:00 PM  

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