Sunday, October 30, 2005

We're United; You're Not

Some clown has asked me about our great unity.

Simple: each Protestant is his own denomination.

We, on the other hand, are the ONE true church, not a mere element of the set of 500 billion true churches.

Some people might point to the liberals, progressives, neo-orthodox, sedevacantists, hyper-traditionalists, modernists, pro-abortionists, Marxists, etc in our midst, and ask what does unity mean if you have lesbian Marxist guerrila nuns communing side-by-side with more conservative people.

The answer is that they're Roman Catholic, despite not agreeing with us on core doctrines. You can be Roman Catholic and an atheist. You can abort babies and be a Roman Catholic. You can deny the historicity of the miracle accounts and be Roman Catholic. That's how unified we are. It is a GOOD thing that 10 different fellow Roman Catholics have 10 different views on things. We're still Roman Catholic. It's obvious. We unite, we do not divide. Our differences are called "theological traditions." I realize these words may be too multi-syllabic for Protestants, but get out your Hooked-on-Phonics cards: Thee-oh-loj-i-kal Truh-dish-uns. We're so unified that we can tolerate an atheist theological tradition, a state-lovin' Marxist tradition, a modernist tradition, a liberation tradition, a historical-critical tradition, etc.

This isn't even close to being the same thing when Protestants disagree. When Protestants who agree on the Trinity but argue over, say, paedobaptism, this is a sign of the hellish disunity arising from the self-centered anarchy that comes from reprobates who deep down inside know they are outside the saving pale of the One True Infallible Progressively Changing Holy Mother Church Who Is Never Ever Wrong.

If you were smart, you'd follow that argument, which coincides nicely with the divine simplicity, the homoousia/homoiousia distinction, and the views of obscure 8th century scholars The Malachoi.

So, in summary, our differences = "theological traditions" and this is a healthy sign of intellectual freedom promoted by the unity of the diversity of the oneness of the multi-layered nature of Rome.

Your differences = "total anarchy" and you'll have to account for them before God. We on the other hand will be praised for our diversity and intellectual curiosity.

15 Comments:

Blogger Steve Jackson said...

My favorite Roman Catholic argument: Higher criticism isn't necessarily bad given that the church approves of it; on the other hand, if it is bad it's because it was started by German Lutherans.

Sunday, October 30, 2005 4:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, it was mildly amusing when you did your first post, but this is just sad.

Are you going to go back to your normal blog or are you having too much fun basking in your self-righteousness?

Sunday, October 30, 2005 11:55:00 PM  
Blogger Will said...

ouch. A humor critic. A little spinless to use the "anonymous" moniker when taking a shot like that.

For the record, PP. I think the Papist is pretty darn funny.

Monday, October 31, 2005 9:04:00 AM  
Blogger steve said...

Oh, I really have to agree with anonymous. This thread is in very poor taste. Mind you, like any acquired taste, such Escargots, bad taste whets the appetite for more. My tastebuds are already salivating for the next course!

Monday, October 31, 2005 12:28:00 PM  
Blogger Joe L. said...

classic, I love it, hall of fame material. Happy Reformation Day, Papi. LOL

Monday, October 31, 2005 12:58:00 PM  
Blogger centuri0n said...

I can smell Armstrong in anonymous.

Let the fireworks begin.

Monday, October 31, 2005 1:49:00 PM  
Blogger Richard Froggatt said...

Let's see, Protestants claim to know what Catholics believe, then with the same breath say Catholics don't believe the same things. So do Protestants actually know what Catholics believe? How can they if Catholics don't even believe in Catholicism.

Monday, October 31, 2005 2:04:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

I like Frogg's style and his argument. You fools need to listen to him more often.

Monday, October 31, 2005 2:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. You have demeaned us Catholics and had your laugh. But I normally enjoy reading your blog. So is this going to keep continuing until all Catholic readers are too offended to visit your site or are you going to go back to normal?

Monday, October 31, 2005 4:26:00 PM  
Blogger Richard Froggatt said...

PP, Please, Please, Please go back on your medication.

Monday, October 31, 2005 5:30:00 PM  
Blogger Richard Froggatt said...

BTW, Who's really calling who a fool here? Your irony points at you.

Monday, October 31, 2005 5:32:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

I see that Frogg and Anon are just not "real Catholics" like I am.

Monday, October 31, 2005 6:19:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

The fact that my dear friend Frogg disagrees with me conjoined with the fact that I don't think Frogg is a "real" Catholic in no way impinges on the Great Unity that only Mother Church has.

Got that?

Monday, October 31, 2005 11:30:00 PM  
Blogger c.t. said...

Since he spelled wet 'whet' he's obviously too smart to be a Protestant, so I suspect Steve Hays is a Roman Catholic.

Personally if I had had reason to write 'whet one's appetite' I'd probably certainly have spelled it 'wet' and proudly.

But I actually read the Bible.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005 8:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Bill (a Proud Protestant) said...

Question: Where in the Bible does it give an example of large-scale STRUCTURE going all the way to a universal leader? If you can give me an example, please stick to the parts Catholics and Protestants agree are in the Bible. Also: what's up with the whole statues-in-the-churches thingy? 1st Commandment: Thou shall not make any graven images (or something along those lines). And the key is: Protestants actually READ the Bible, and actually MEMORIZE the Bible, instead of mindlessly reading 'Doctrines' that guide our life and {whatever it is you Catholics do at 'Mass'.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005 4:32:00 AM  

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