Monday, December 26, 2005

I Tell It Like It Is

Tonight's the last episode of Monday Night Football on ABC. When I left, it had nowhere to go but down, being filled with ex-jocks and ex-coaches. In a truly lugubrious display of watered-down journalism, they simply didn't tell it like it is, or was.

Frankly, what pro football has turned into sickens and disgusts me. The NFL is a corporate entity, more marketing than product. They stifle free expression, just as the government tried to stifle Cassius Clay, taking away his right to make a living as a boxer. But I told Cassius that he could rip off my hairpiece if he won the fight.

Over lunch with Commissioner Tagliabue of the NFL, I told him "Paul, when are you and your corporate lackeys going to do something about the game. You're almost as bad as boxing with its alphabet soup agencies! I need a good shower after being associated with boxing, but that's a tale for another time." I said the same thing to the President at brunch this last weekend, and don't think he didn't listen to me.

Sure, I never played the game. But I simply tell it like it is. Dandy Don and ol' Frank --- they're just ex-jocks who don't belong in the booth. Their commentary is so pedestrian that it twaddles the mind of the modern man.

Where's my cigar?! If you moved it, I'll beat you senseless.

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