Thursday, December 22, 2005

PP at 34

I received the following mysterious email from the equally mysterious PP Aging Committee:

Dear Mr Vestrup:

Today you're 34. Happy birthday! We just want to let you know that your survival probabilities have been duly updated and adjusted to take the extra year into account. You're one year closer to your inevitable death --- keep on truckin'!

We have informed your ankles and knees to not recover as quickly from long runs. We've also given them permission to ache every now and then if you push them too hard on the basketball court. We've told your fat cells to stay the course, and we've allocated some muscular areas to be eventual fat parks. Please don't resist.

Your vision has been changed from 20/20 [with corrective lenses] to 20/25. We've changed your grey hair proportion [upward of course] to 28%. Looks like you'll have to use that box of medium-brown "Just for Men" every five weeks now instead of every six weeks.

You will notice too an increased interest in your mutual fund performance and a decreased interest in sports and pro wrestling [really, do grow up sometime]. You might find watching "Matlock" and "The Golden Girls" more palatable too.

Finally, we've increased the number of sentences of yours that begin with the words "Remember when....." and "When I was your age....." by 3.14%. Feel free to reminisce about "the good ol' days" to twenty-somethings.

All in all, enjoy your 35th year of life, and try to avoid major injury [giggle giggle] when running, playing tennis, basketball, or, say, just sitting in a chair!

The PP Aging Committee


Blogger Jason Engwer said...

Happy birthday!

Thursday, December 22, 2005 6:27:00 PM  
Blogger Jonathan Moorhead said...

Happy B-day EV. I can almost hear you getting older.

Thursday, December 22, 2005 7:10:00 PM  
Blogger Pedantic Protestant said...

Eventually we'll all start debating over our favorite flavor of Metamucil and whether to keep the thermostat at 82 or 84 degrees. Total flame war material...

Thursday, December 22, 2005 7:52:00 PM  

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